Something about Life

I was looking through my old Project Touch photos just now, needed to select a few for the much-delayed photo book project. As I sifted through the thousands of photos I have, my mind began to wander again, back into Philippines, back at the construction site, the interaction with the locals and our “guide” whose name I forgot. And I began to feel a bit wistful, over all the friendships and relationships I’ve allowed to grow stale over time, and letting them pass me by.

And then I logged on to Facebook to handle some admin stuff for the Just So group I was making. I don’t go on Facebook that much nowadays due to Twitter, and I saw the activities of my amehmeh Econs Camp OG listed in my timeline, also stuff from my Kendo friends, training for yo-dan and go-dan now. And the same feelings came up again, feelings of nostalgia, and a bit of regret.

My life has been characterised by moments of brief but intense encounters with groups of people. Being in Philippines with twenty of them for three weeks, my life revolved around them, and what an experience it was. I developed great friendships with some of the Project Touch people, but it’s not as close and intimate as it was back then already. If not for things like Twitter, I would have probably lost touch with the few most precious of them.

Right after Project Touch there was FTB, again another brief (about two months?) but very intense encounter with those people. We stayed over in school together, had fun, overcame challenges, took opportunities to love people, and felt so belonged as all of us in the FTB exco worked hard to make the camp a success. And I knew that after FTB was over, I would again miss these intense moments of friendship and belonging, and that some other group would eventually take its place.

Then there were my Econs camp freshies, and Suting, very brief, yet I treated them and looked upon them and loved them as family. When school started, it was Adeline and Jerome, to a much lesser extent since we were more classmate-friends rather than pursuing-a-common-goal-friends.

If I had my way, I would love to increase the number of hours in a day and spend as much time as before, with these people who came into my life one time or another. If I had my way, I would want to hold on to each and every high moment, savour and cherish them with these people who have made a difference in my life. But I don’t have my way. Time will pass, experiences and feelings fade with age, and new things will take their place.

And I’m feeling a bit sad this December because school is out, and where is my extended social family? Oh the futility of life – it really is like wind, you can’t grasp and hold it in your hand. So, God, how? I don’t even know what the question is, but there’s something unanswered, something about life, something You only can satisfy me with.

So daddy God, set me free.